my room smells like sperm. sweet.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
