I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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