I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
cat food counts as protein by the way
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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