seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
