Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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