Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
