its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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