I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Plan B is the new Plan A
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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