im having a threesome with these popsicles
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
