ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
