therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize
