I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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