it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
