so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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