I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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