He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
