so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
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