Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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