Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
