I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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