fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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