Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
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