Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
