I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
