i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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