We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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