We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
