I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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