you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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