If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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