Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
