Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
