Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
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nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
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my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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