Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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