Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
