She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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