my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
