Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
