Your dad touched me again.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
