You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
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the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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