'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
