somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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