A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
We don't watch enough power rangers
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
So vagazzling was a success
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
