he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
