she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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