Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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