I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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