made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
