Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
