just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
My vagina just clenched in fear
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
