why didn't you poke me back
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
