How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize