Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
