If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
