This is not my ceiling
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
