We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
