if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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