I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
