I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
