My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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