he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
