I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I will be naked everywhere
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
