So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
