He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
