We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
