bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
